Emotional infidelity releases a whirlwind of differing emotions that even the cheater can’t escape.
But, even although the emotional infidelity cheater is going through their own turmoil, that’s nothing compared to the excruciating pain and heartache that you, as the innocent victim, are feeling. Your spouse’s infidelity has triggered raw waves of emotion that have created ongoing turmoil in you.
It’s natural to try to escape from these raw emotions by trying to ignore them, by hoping they’ll go away. But this really isn’t a good way to deal with them. In fact it’s downright unhealthy. It’s neither good for you nor for the marriage / relationship that you are trying to repair.
Here, I’m going to show you 3 steps that will help you to process these internal emotions and help you to keep moving forward positively, so that you can survive the emotional infidelity and go on to repair your marriage / relationship.
The Emotional Backlash
Since discovering the emotional infidelity you have been totally knocked sideways and reeling from the emotional backlash that such a discovery entails. On the other hand, if you are the actual cheater reading this, then you have your own internal emotional issues to work through. And although this article is primarily aimed at someone who has been cheated on, you, as the cheater, will learn a lot too…
But, if you’ve been cheated on, then the revelation has left you totally bewildered. You gave your trust but were lied to time and time again. The deception was so good and your trust so high that you thought that life was going along fine as usual. So that you were totally unprepared for the discovery that your spouse was having an affair. Which makes things all the more difficult to deal with.
Okay, you may have had some suspicions near the end, but because there was never any concrete proof right up until the actual revelation of emotional infidelity, you simply were not prepared for it, nor for what comes next.
And this is why negative emotions come to the fore. You feel as though you have lost control. Everything you believed in, counted on, trusted, has been pulled from under you. You are constantly striven by feelings of shame, betrayal, anger, jealousy and uncertainty. What does the future hold? Will your marriage / relationship survive the emotional infidelity? Do you want it to survive?
To assuage the pain of emotional infidelity you try to put these feelings behind you, to ignore them, to believe that they will eventually go away and everything will be back to normal. By doing this, though, you are just hiding from the problem(s). This is not the way forward. This will not repair you, nor your marriage / relationship.
The opposite is in fact true. You need to meet these negative, painful emotions head on and work through them. This is the only way that you can reclaim your sense of self worth, help to heal the wounds of the emotional affair and repair your marriage or relationship.
So here are the 3 steps to help you work through the painful emotions triggered by the emotional infidelity and begin the healing process:-
Begin the Healing Process
1. Take Good Care of Yourself
This is just so important. Because of the turmoil and emotional negativity you are experiencing, it is so easy to forget about yourself. You are under so much stress that you probably don’t have an appetite and so aren’t eating healthily, you aren’t exercising enough, and you probably aren’t taking care of your appearance as you used to.
Now this is totally understandable because of the negative place you find yourself in. But, now more than ever, you need to take time out to take great care of yourself both physically and mentally. You need all the energy and self-belief you can muster to be able to face the challenges ahead.
2. Control Your Breathing
Now don’t laugh at or ignore this! This exercise has great health benefits particularly when you are under severe stress. One of your greatest challenges is to reduce your stress levels in order stay as healthy as possible for the challenges you now face.
Most of us breathe using only our chest cavity. This means that we are only using a portion of our lung capacity. And we tend to take short, shallow breaths, sometimes even forgetting to breath when concentrating on something. This isn’t good for our health.
Practise breathing using both your diaphragm and your upper chest. Breathe deeply and slowly in through your nose ensuring your abdomen expands, then exhale slowly through your mouth. And repeat.
3. Use Positive Distraction
This is a well-known technique to help people who are full of negativity and self-doubt, such as yourself. Basically, it just means finding something positive to do that can distract your attention away from your inward-looking negativity. But you aren’t ‘running away’ from your demons, you’re just taking some time out, away from them.
Before finding out about the emotional infidelity, what thing(s) did you do that kept your attention and gave you the greatest pleasure? For example, did you go to the gymn regularly? Then get back to that. Get the idea?
Believe it or not, these 3 steps are an effective and positive start on your road to recovery. Caring about your physical and spiritual wellbeing is absolutely critical as you start out on the road towards healing the emotional pain that is tearing you apart right now.
But of course this is only a start, allbeit an important one. To get to your end goal of saving your marriage / relationship there are several critical steps you have to go through as well as these. But get this wrong and you may never reach your goal…
This is why top marriage guidance counselor, Dr. Frank Gunzburg’s report, ‘How to Survive an Affair,’ is so popular. It takes you by the hand, and step-by-careful-step, shows you exactly how to get over emotional infidelity and save your marriage. If you wish, you can download it here.